Send My Regards to Zebes
by John Ink
Summary: A little Metriod humor. A man dumps his girlfriend for a video game character by the name of Samus Aran. Sounds like something I would do. Read it. Review it. Print it. Show it to your friends. Have them review it. Have them print it...


Dude, um... jeez, I've been like dating you for some time now. And I think it should be over... Why? Why what? I'm leaving you... Hey, I happen to like you, I just have someone else right now.

Yeah... Someone else. She's so much better than you. She never talks back, or calls me stupid, or plays these games with my heart... My heart is fragile. Handle with care, er you might get burned, man. See, I was all like... playing this game. I can't remember what it's called, Hemorrhoid er somtin. Anyway, It has this really cool chick in it. She's so much better than you. Ok, Let me set up a story for you:

Once upon a time--cool way to start a story, huh?--there's this girl named Samus Aran. She like this totally wicked babe, man, she's got this cannon thingy on her arm, and she kills things that she is... like... half the size of. So she's like a bounty-hunter. But that's just her day job. Like her secret identity or something. At night she goes and kills stuff for money. One day, she's all bored and stuff, and she's all like,"hmm... I'm bored and stuff, I haven't killed anything for a whole half-hour." So she stops her "Space ship" on some planet, and finds a nasty little jelly-fish that she doesn't like. She decides she doesn't like them and wants to kill them all. Well, there like all the way at the middle of this planet, so she has to kill A LOT to get to them. This makes her happy.

She finally does and kills all of them...she sees a large head-brain thingy and kills it too. This makes her very famous and gets her a lot of money. She turns her back on all this, though. All she want is the killies! So she all finds the home planet of these jellies. Then, get this.... SHE KILLS THEM ALL. They even mutate, like the X-men or sometin. Get all huge, and big, and huge! But they are no match for Samus and her kill-stuff-o-matic thing she keeps on her arm.

At the end, Samus gets all sad. She's going to miss killing all the jellies. But suddenly, she finds one last egg. Samus is filled with glee. It opens, but instead of killing it, Samus, being the smart person she is, decides to save it for later. Wait 'til it gets big so it can explode all guey and stuff. She keeps it in a jar, but the scientists take it away from her. Samus gets enraged. After killing a jelly, everything else seamed like child's play. She went to get revenge, but all the scientists were already dead. A bird took the jelly and took it back to...um...the first planet.

Samus went all the way through this planet, again, just for to get the stupid jelly dead gone. She went through the entire planet, and ran into more jellies!!!! so she killed them happily. Then the baby jelly came back. It was all huge! It grabbed samus, and samus was just about to unload on this beach, when it floated away. Samus was ticked. She went after it. Then she ran into the same head-brain-thingy she had seen before. It was strong, and was totally whomping on Samus. Samus all but gave up hope, when suddenly, the giant baby jelly came back. The brain-head killed it! Samus was mad. Her eyes turned red, and she said something like,"THAT WAS MY JELLY TO KILL, EAT LAZER ALIEN!" She went crazy on that jar guy, it didn't stand a chance. You could practically hear it crying. Samus was pleased. The End.

Well two more games came out, one where you pretend to be samus, the others about samus catching the flu, and then kicking its ass. I don't have the money to buy them yet, but as soon as my door business takes off, man let me tell you.

So that's why I'm dumping you. I think I fell in love with Samus. She's the love of my life. After I start making money, I'm going to build a rocket, and confess my love to her. I only hope she'll except me for who I am. Good-bye. You can leave now, for my destiny is with the stars.

(Looks away from the mirror)

That was good

(Door-bell rings)

Ahhh man, I hope she understands. 


End file.
